Sometimes I feel the more I learn, the more confused I get. I remember when I first became a Christian; there is a God, He loves me so much he gave His only son for me. I wish I had that passion again. I am surrounded by people who, I believe, still have that passion. With me, I still know there is a God, and in Him I have my trust in, but I feel there is no passion. I read my bible confused with all it's contradictions in it.
There is a youth book I have that takes teen yes or no questions, like whether or not to have sex before marriage, and gives you a yes and no answer with supporting bible verses for both. Granted the verse for "yes, it is OK to have sex before marriage" was a stretch because essentially focused on the idea that "Adam and eve did it with out a formal wedding". However, it bothers me that such a book can exist. This is why, I feel, there are so many different Christian denominations. I sometimes feel that books with this much contradiction should be burnt because it is like looking for an answer from God that you like, not actually what God would want from you.
I remember first really reading the bible, I started with the book of John. As I was told from the alpha course it was the best book to start with as a new Christian. Now I am reading other books of the bible and find myself confused because of something I read earlier. The old testament is definitely the hardest read, but is helpful to remember that God through Jesus changed some of the "old rules", but I still find it hard.
I would give anything to have that spark again, I have a lot to be thankful for, I know I would not be where I am today without God. I have lost my niche I guess. Youth is no longer my passion, I don't know where it lies anymore. I think I am going to start reading purpose driven life again to see if I can get on track again.
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2 comments:
It seems like a continual process for me...but despite everything, I too know I wouldn't be where I am now had it not been for God in my life.
Stay strong in Him and He'll lead you to the place that you are supposed to be. That's what the last year and a bit have been for me and the upcoming will continue to be...sometimes a very confusing journey, but a blessed one.
You are one of the many blessings He's brought along my path!
When I come home next week, I'll bring a couple of books that I think you'll like. They're both by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli, and they're called Falling in Love With Jesus and Becoming a Woman Transformed by the Colors of His Love.
I've been thinking about the need to have that spark rekindled (I was thinking about that for myself at prayer meeting last night), and I think a lot of times what's needed is a vision. A goal of a deeper walk with Jesus. Not just going through the motions, but striving and pursuing and letting Him change us.
(Hug)
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